The other day I received a notification from Twitter that I had few new ReTweets. I was quite surprised because I had not tweeted in the last few days and was curious to see which tweet deserved such honors to disrupt my driving ( I did wait until I pulled over to see what the notices were). I was quite appalled to see that it was an old tweet from 2012 and even more appalled to see what I had written. So, January 4, 2012, I posted:
This tweet made me reflect on why at that time did I feel that I did not deserve to be happy or have happiness. In retrospect, it was 6 months after I graduated with my undergrad, I still did not have a stable job, I was back home living with my parents, and I was in a toxic relationship. At the time my life felt really bleak. I stayed in that bad space for at least 3 more months; I can remember having a conversation with a close friend who told me,
“Hey chick, get off your butt and control your own happiness!”
Initially, I was in my feelings and felt she was coming across as slightly insensitive; after all, I only called her at least once a week to complain about how unhappy I am and how nothing seems to be going right. Nevertheless, my dear friend’s “tough love” was the boost I needed to get out of my own way towards happiness.
These are the 5 tips she shared with me that led me to not just BELIEVE that I deserved happiness, but to KNOW that I deserve happiness. I hope this be a blessing to you.
- You Survived
- You woke up every morning before today, and you are here today
- I faced heartbreaks, setbacks, and hang-ups, and I am still here.
- She told me that when life feels like it is spiraling downhill, that it did not have to be; I have the power, because I am still in the land of the living, to take back my power and change what I can in my life.
- You can not just BELIEVE you are worthy, you have to KNOW you are WORTHY of happiness
- Belief can be and is powerful, but it must be used in its proper context. Belief is a psychological state that is vulnerable to strong debate or accusation; while Knowledge, what some may call as the “knowing”, is the realization of facts and experience.
- Inside many of us is a sense that we do not deserve good things, or in my case, happiness. and instead, we are supposed to suffer. Feeling undeserving comes from situations in our past that have influenced our outlook. With a history of pain, trauma, or loss, we begin to perceive that positivity in our life could not be real.
- If you decided to believe that you did not have a kidney or a lung, would that stop your kidney or lung from functioning? Maybe not, but you KNOW you have a kidney or lung and there is proof of these organs and many other functioning with you believing they do or not. Well, happiness works the same way; just because we become unhappy with life does not mean there is not anything to become happy about. Take back your power!
- Take Audit
- Stop what you are doing and write out everything you have and everything that you do not have. Then, looking at what you do have to write out why you are thankful and grateful for them. Secondly, review at what you perceive you do not have, by the time you reach this list you may you have everything you need and want. But if not, then write out why you need them and how you will change your perception of them until it arrives at you.
- Happiness is Condition, not a destination
- Happiness comes and goes, but joy will precede and succeed.
- Count your blessings
- Giving thanks and having a heart full of gratefulness can boost your mood. Like my dear friend shared with me, try writing down three things I am thankful for each night before going to bed and as soon as I wake up in th morning.
- Not only did this change my perception, but it led me inot a new routine of meditation and an attitude of gratitude, most days 😉